What Now? We Are Called To Love
And so for many, many years, Henry Kissinger and Bob Hope strategically placed me and members of my family in locations to further their interests. During those times, my children and I were used in various ways and prostituted to more worldly-affluent, famous, publicly adored leaders and entertainers than I care to remember. Personally, I would like to stay in denial and believe this never could have happened. But for the interests of many, I cannot afford to believe anything less than what I have discovered is the truth. I have chosen to share a fragment of these experiences with you so that you could know the level of technology that has been developed and to show you the danger of the ways those who carry a belief of power and control, and who at this time are out of alignment with their true spiritual nature, have misappropriated their duties to our nation and to the world.
Spiritually I have grown to realize that while the worldly Elite’s positions are often determined by heredity, and in the business world nobility comes from ability, ambition, or success; in the eyes of God, nobility comes from those who serve others. Through all of my experiences at the hands of leaders from all over the world, I have learned that to be a true leader is to know your stewardship to those you serve, not to gobble and hoard the benefits for self while fooling and robbing those who count on you, who elect and trust you to serve the good of the whole. I also know now that truly great leaders are humble and their joy comes from the glorious privilege of serving others.
And I will tell you, as would my precious daughter Kelly if she could, that the current leadership under President Clinton is no different than the ones before. Indeed Kelly could start up the next chapter on William Clinton and could tell you the size of his genitals, the perverted ways he chooses to utilize his sexuality and how he, like many of the Presidents before him, is locked into the bondage of a power hungry system that will continue with each new President after him, unless this system is dismantled and a new system of governing, one based on the needs of the people, a true republic, born of God, for the good of the whole, is reinstated. But it will take each of us, all those who the Elitists feel have no intellect and no motivation, to stand up and speak out for what we believe in-perhaps even sharing our ‘simple minds and spiritual natures’ with those who for years have felt the right and the need to lord over us. For, once society has seen the problem, the solution is in sight.
I believe each individual is imbued with a gift from God to contribute to society as a whole and as each individual finds their true purpose and joins in, contributing that gift, we will then have a full-bodied, rich orchestration of individuals, evolving to the highest possible levels. That is when we as a society reach a more perfect state!
I also learned that freedom is not free and we must now stand in the battle, not through violence and war, but through knowledge, truth, and love, claiming our true spiritual power and willing to take a stand so our voices can be heard!
Healing spiritually, through a life such as mine, has been my ultimate challenge, and God has continued to keep my focus on this healing aspect, despite worldly opinion, which would lead me to seek in other directions. During the years of pain and suffering that led me out of mind control bondage, Margie Paul shared with me the following passage, by Emmet Fox, which I read constantly. It uplifted and strengthened me and reminded me of the truth. I would like to share it here with you.
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
No disease that enough love will not heal;
No door that enough love will not open;
No gulf that enough love will not bridge;
No wall that enough love will not throw down;
No sin that enough love will not redeem…
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;
How hopeless the outlook;
How muddled the tangle;
How great the mistake;
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all…
If only you could love enough
you would be the happiest
and most powerful being in the world…
In 1998, when all of my former life lay in ruin around me, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me who was the one person I hated most? The answer came quickly and easily. Silently I responded, “George Bush,” since he was a man who repeatedly hurt my baby girl from very early on. The same day the Holy Spirit questioned me, I received a hospital advertisement in the mail cheerfully announcing that George Bush would be visiting a local hospital just 25 minutes from my home. I was devastated that people still looked at him as a person of honor, and associated him with charity and healing? Then the challenge from Jesus came when he called me to love George Bush. I couldn’t do that initially, it took many prayerful hours for me to ask God to please change within me the attitudes that needed changing in order for me to love and forgive George Bush. Obviously, that didn’t happen overnight, but it did take place, at first just for a fleeting moment and then for longer periods of time. That doesn’t mean that I stop working toward exposing the system that has caused this misuse of human life, nor does it mean that I think what my perpetrators did was right or excusable. It simply means that no matter what they or anyone else does to me, they do not have the power to make me hate, or the power to take away my right to love, for love is my continuing goal.
I was confused and tormented as I awakened to the realization that my father and others had abused me in such horrific ways and that they had actually taken control of my life for nearly 40 years. The awareness that churches had been places where I was often victimized, by individuals who I associated with being the most loving, added to my torment and bewilderment. I searched for answers, through reading about many religions, trying to find the truth, and one night I had a dream in which I heard the word “Beatitudes.” Upon waking, the word stuck in my mind and later, while attending a religion class at Pepperdine University, I went to my professor and asked him what the word meant. He told me and later on that day, I went across the street to the Malibu Presbyterian Church to speak to the assistant minister. Little did I know that through my seeking, the Great Master Healer himself would appear to me, but that is exactly what happened. The minister ushered me into his office and after I confessed that I had been severely abused as a child, had Multiple Personality Disorder, had been forced to participate in satanic rituals where infants, children, and animals were killed — and as I went on and on — he looked at me in horror, and said, “Get down on your knees, and ask God to forgive you of your transgressions. You are a sinner.”
The moment my knees hit the floor, Jesus appeared to me and said, “Get up off your knees, and leave. You my child are innocent, you have done nothing wrong.” Taking the authority of the Lord, over this human who stood ministering in His name, I did as commanded and left. I couldn’t understand yet what Jesus was trying to help me understand. It took time for Him to reassure me that those acts, committed in a programmed state, acting from other person’s commands and not from my own free will, were not my sin. In the days that followed, Jesus showed me that He wanted me to stand in the name of Mercy for others who had been similarly tortured and abused. Over time, He called me to minister and share His words of mercy and forgiveness with other victims who presented themselves to me in women’s shelters, at my office, at mental health conferences, and through letters of response to victims who wrote, pouring out their hurts to me after they read my book I know that this message from Jesus, one of complete forgiveness, touched the hearts and minds of the people I spoke with, as deeply as it did me because I saw the tears of relief and understanding well up in their eyes. God wants His people free.
I had many experiences where His Angels demonstrated that they were guiding me. I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “get up from your reading, and go down to the Bazaar.” I hadn’t known that there was a Christmas bazaar at Pepperdine, but I followed the voice of the Holy Spirit and was led to a small purple book entitled, “Angels Are Watching Over Me. ” And if I doubted that it was true, in the months and years that followed, the voice of the Holy Spirit led me to books, places, and people to help me heal and gain freedom. Books even fell off of shelves in libraries, many of them reminding me that the Angels of the Lord were ever present and that I was not to worry. Other books I was led to helped me organize my healing in such ways that, when healing took place, it was core healing and not superficial or drugged.
I often tell the story of the experience I had at traffic school. During the early stages of my recovery, despite the smile that betrayed my true inner feelings, I was so full of repressed, subconscious rage that it often found its release in driving too fast and I continually got traffic tickets for speeding; one day I got two! Since I was already on assigned risk and my insurance rates were extremely high, my husband suggested I go to traffic school, so I did. The traffic schoolteacher was younger than I, but that day she had an important message for me. I had been wrestling with just how I was going to forgive these people who had done this to my children and myself. As I explained my dilemma she said, “All you have to do is heal yourself so you have something left for giving.” I know now that what she said was true and I understand the wisdom because, now in a healed state, I do have much to give. And, I thank God for that.
In Carbondale, Illinois, in 1995, nearly one year after my final integration and deprogramming, I was working in the garden. It was a warm day and I luxuriated in the midst of the peace and solitude that I found among my tomato and zucchini plants. Very clearly, I once again heard the voice of the Holy Spirit, this time instructing me to go visit my father.
“God, you want me to do what?” I couldn’t believe I was being asked to go and visit this man who had tortured and programmed me for so many years, besides it wasn’t safe for me in California, I had actually been raped there as 1 made my initial attempt to get Starshine into print in 1993. But I heard the words very clearly, “Go visit your father, fly under your real name, stay 24 hours and then return. An intelligence officer will approach you. Do not be afraid. Tell him what happened to you and to your children.”
I thought maybe I hadn’t heard correctly. So, I took this into prayer and in a very short while I knew I was to go to California. Soon God showed me a vision where I saw lights on in the White House symbolizing individuals who would wake up and help. Then He shared with me that, like the men’s secret society (freemasonry) that has allowed secret knowledge to be passed between men, that He also had a secret society that was more powerful-The Holy Spirit. Then He showed me that as men’s secret societies fund and support each other, so shall God’s people fund and support their own. He showed me that through Him, and in His time, the Holy Spirit would connect people and allow them to be of like mind, so the truth could come to light. Although I didn’t actually understand how this was going to come about, I was encouraged.
I booked my ticket, and the next day I went to California, to the nursing home where my father was being cared for. When I walked in, I was moved seeing my father sitting in a chair, withered and small, a whisper of the physical stature he had been before. When he saw me, he immediately began crying, and through his tears he cried, “I love you. I knew you’d come.”
I got down on my knees before my father and said, “Dad, I forgive you.”
Looking me directly in the eyes, he replied in a childlike manner, “I forgive you too.” At that moment I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my father, this man who had tortured me for years, had no idea, no memory, no awareness of what he had done. Still crying he said, “Jesus brought me here.” This statement caught me totally off guard, as here was a man who together with my brothers had ridiculed and berated me for my belief in Christ for years. I had so much I wanted to ask my father, but was overwhelmed with emotion. Trying to gather myself, I looked around his room. There on his bookcase, was a golden spider web with a crystal spider in the middle. Woven into this art piece was a Ronald Reagan wristwatch. My thoughts raced to information an Intelligence officer “in the know” once explained to me, that victims will surround themselves with their programming and often will display objects that speak to that which they verbally can’t, as a form of subconscious communication. This spider web spoke to me deeply through subconscious communication, and although my father could not tell me what he knew, he had carefully preserved this piece to speak what he could not. Again deeply touched, I asked him if I could have it. He said, “Sure, take anything you want.” My father and I cried together. There was so much I wanted to tell him and have him tell me but he was no longer able. But God knew that I needed to see my father this one last time, in order to complete my healing and forgiveness process. And that day, I totally and completely forgave my father. I understood why he had done what he had done. As I stood to leave, I kissed him one last time and told him I loved him, and looking back I am so grateful that God led me to that culmination and completion with my father. Less than three months after that meeting my father passed away.
As I drove my rental car to the airport to fly back to Illinois I realized that the intelligence officer experience had not yet occurred. But I was not to be disappointed because, shortly after I took my window seat on the aircraft, a distinguished looking black man took the isle seat. After takeoff he flashed his badge and identified himself as White House intelligence for the last 29 years. Taking his business card out of an organizer, he laid it on the seat between us. Unconsciously, still bound to the protocol of my controllers, as much us I wanted to, I couldn’t pick up his card. Nervously, I thought to myself, ‘Oh God, this is it’
This suited man began by telling me, “There are some things you need to know. One is that once in the company always in the company. Don’t believe anyone that tells you they’ve retired from the company (CIA).” Next he said, “When you speak publicly don’t name the names.”
I told him I wouldn’t. At that moment the words spoken to me by the Holy Spirit in the garden, came back to me, “Tell him what happened.” So, I told this man about the abuse of my children and myself that often led to our victimization in the White House. He told me that he thought women like me “just liked to be with Presidents.” And finally, as we walked off the plane, the words he spoke surprised me as I realized maybe this man had a spiritual awakening, was serving a higher calling, and was one of the ‘lights on the White House’ that God had shown me. He said that he was committed to informing ministers of churches to do their jobs in helping victims. I was encouraged.
Over the years, what I witnessed in my father was something that I have noticed in many of the victims of the mind control projects. He was extremely inventive and futuristic and had many personalities that were extremely loving. My father designed and built solar water heaters that he installed on the roof of our Woodland Hills home in the 1950’s, and shared thoughts and ideas that continually astounded me. Due to the shattering of his own psyche through the ritual abuse he endured as a child, coupled with the mind control programming forced upon this already vulnerable man, he was never in control of his own mind. From birth, his free will was taken from him through the abuse he endured at the hands of his parents who themselves had been through the same victimization passed through intergenerational, subconscious mental illness. Then, in a final attempt to harness the complete control of his daughter, the doctors at UCLA took the last vestiges of my father’s free will when they performed the brain surgery that gave them total control.
Breaking the Denial That Holds Us Captive
Honestly, I can understand the denial many of you may be facing in regard to all that I have shared with you, as I faced the same denial over and over. I did not want to believe that any of the reality that kept intruding into my mind was real. Often I wanted to believe I was insane, and at times even wished I could choose to live out the rest of my days rocking back and forth in a drugged stupor in some sanatorium. Then not only in response to programming, but also feeling trapped in a pain and confusion I often felt I could not bear alone another day, initially, I had moments when I contemplated suicide. But due to the ramifications that act would have had on my children, that was never a choice I could make. I had to keep asking God to strengthen me so I could face the painful reality and heal in order to make a difference in the lives of my children.
Forget the Past, Live in the Present?
It has been said that those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it and I believe this is part of the situation we face today because until now we haven’t been told enough valid historical information. Before my recovery, like most Americans, I was more interested in my future than in my past but was soon forced to deal with it due to constant flashbacks. But what if a person’s past holds a potent key to his or her future? And what if that past holds intergenerational and worldly information that when realized and righted will resonate throughout future generations, causing freedom and a better quality of life? Knowing my past has set me free and I am grateful for the spiritual guidance that told me that I had to go backward before I could go forward. Although dire circumstances forced me to revisit my past, I now know that the inner work I completed in researching and healing the dark, hidden areas of my own past will reverberate throughout the spiritual genes of my progeny’s future and I am glad for that.
Don’t Worry, Be Happy!
At first when these bits and pieces of memory began surfacing in my mind, I was terrified and continually dismissed them, as others told me things like, “You’re just too tired. You have a big imagination. You have everything a woman could want. Why don’t you just quit therapy, get a job and be productive. Stop living in the past. Don’t worry, be happy!” Or, new age belief systems that created comments like, “These are only your past lives. What you put your attention and focus on grows. I don’t choose to think about negative things. I like to focus on the light instead of the darkness. I create my own reality. This is not part of my reality. If it’s this painful to deal with and causing you this much stress, it must not be the right thing to do.” The list was endless. But over time when these flashbacks and thoughts intruded into my present life with subjects and events that didn’t interest me (politics, glamour and glitz, golf, baseball games, football games, and sex orgies), I had to wonder and question what it all meant. That started the quest that has led to my knowing and my understanding. I am hoping you, too, will be able to overcome your own denial and to question these issues put before you, because the safety of our children and, yes, even our human freedoms depend on it.
Over time I have had a plethora of responses to the telling of my life history. People have come to their own conclusions, based on their own belief systems and understanding at the time. Over the years it has continually pained me to speak publicly, sharing bits and pieces of what happened to me in an attempt to stop this abuse and gain help for my children and others, only to finish my speech, look out in the audience and see blank faces. Perhaps many were numbed by the magnitude of the information I delivered, or thought I had lost my mind instead of finding it. But I can tell you that my healing came from the one or two loving persons who threw their arms around me after I spoke, and with tears in their eyes that clearly communicated to me that they understood the magnitude of the what had happened said, “I am so sorry this happened to you. What can I do?”
Other people have said, “At least you met famous people and had incredible experiences!” In response, I say that the years of my life that I lived as a mind controlled robot to Bob Hope, Henry Kissinger and others were not mine, they were stolen from me. I was not consciously present. Those years were tragically altered and woven with horrific and painful abuse that separated me from my core self and from the family I love. I have painfully witnessed individuals and society as a whole, hold in a protective reverence the “media-portrayed persona” of many famous persons. I watched as people in all walks of life — housewives, ministers, attorneys, newscasters, and professors, etc. – held firmly to their view of famous people they never personally knew, in order to maintain some sort of fantasy relationship or belief system they held about these famous persons. People have said to me, “Not Bob Hope, he wouldn’t do these things,” and I am left to wonder why they need to hold onto their media-created reality in lieu of opening their minds and using their spiritual discernment to examine the possibility that what myself and others are reporting might be true. My controllers, the authors of this plan of enslavement, are counting on you to believe the media image they have thrust forward. They are counting on you to do nothing.
Another person said to her husband, “She must have watched too many X-Files!”
I shared that, with the exception of occasionally catching a show at someone else’s house while they had the television on, I haven’t watched television since 1989. I have never seen X-Files. But I know that through media avenues, the authors of the New World Order Plan have been able to very cleverly hide this reality out in the open.
I’ll Do It My Way
I can tell you that if I could only choose my life over again, I would leave all the ‘celebrities’ out of it and would live a simple, basic life, enriched with love and deep connection to God and my family. To me that is where life’s richness lies, not in wealth or celebrity status. Wealth and fame have never been important to me, and thank God, because if I had been attached to the affluent lifestyle I had been living in California, I never could have chosen to break away and go for my freedom, regardless of the cost. For me, there is no price tag on freedom and morality: it is priceless.
In the earliest stages of memory breakthrough, when I had flashes of insight of what my husband and I were involved in, I had moments before my programming kicked in, when I was lucid before I switched personalities again, in order to try to figure out what to do. There were many times before I left California and the life I lived with my husband, when I begged him to heal and stand with me. He could never hear me. Hand in hand on a walk one day, I proposed, “Let’s sell the house and spend the money on our healing; yours, mine and the kids.” He couldn’t hear of it.
In weeks that followed, he returned home from a conference and said, “They asked us who we looked up to and I told them, you.”
“God help us,” was my reply and in total and compete devastation, I realized for the first time in my life, that I was bankrupt in my marriage, that my husband did not serve the same God that many parts of me did. I felt alone, frightened and unprotected by the lack of spirituality that I knew could have guided our lives together.
During times when I devoted endless hours to exercise and nutrition, people have said, “You look too good to have been through that much trauma,” and during periods when my expressed grief has left me looking pale and haggard, or over or under weight, people have said, “You don’t look good enough to have been used with celebrities.”
I was forced to invest in hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of therapy ($300,000+) and physical therapy (thousands of dollars) in order to heal. All I can say is that it is a miracle that my body is still intact at all, and I thank God for that. There are telltale signs of the abuse recognizable by those “in the know,” scarred skin from electroshock that left prod marks, and my eyes often look as if something of an electronic nature has happened to me. But the major ailments I had while in the midst of my mind control are healed; the migraines are gone, the continual sinus infections, sore throats, breathing problems and hoarseness that often necessitated the use of an inhaler are gone; no more colitis, stomachaches and nausea, constant fatigue and body pain. All these symptoms are gone. As my mind healed and I was able to hold my reality mentally, and as I released the traumas of the past, my body healed. My healing from this abuse is to God’s glory and I know that without seeking and heeding the Holy Spirit’s leading, I never would have made it out. “It is not I, but the Father within me, He does the works. ” — John 14:10.
We Are Called To Love and Forgiveness
Prayerfully and with immense love and compassion, I ask, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” — Luke 23:24.
My family and many of our fellow humankind are still locked in the bondage of the mind control projects and experiments due to the fact that their birth into intergenerational dissociative families, and their genetic DNA encoding made them capable of advanced abilities for which they have been targeted for use by those who seek to control. Please help these survivors to freedom and release by donating whatever you can, even if it is a simple kind word to show you care.
One awareness that weaves through my entire life under mind control is that the love that shone through from people’s spirits, even while under mind control, was never wasted, nor was it ever lost; indeed, it seemed to be catalogued within me on some higher plane that never goes away. So often, I witnessed the love of those under mind control who lived among and near me. These creative people, all full of so much love that, even when I lay the often hurtful mind control abuse experiences side by side with who I knew in spirit they really were, the love I felt from them often blasted beyond their programming, allowing their soul essence to shine through. Immense love and inherent behavior of loving souls, all interwoven with intense agonizing soul pain and tragedy as the mind control technology and those who created the reality we were programmed to live, manipulated and controlled our inherent natures, our spiritual life force and the love that lives within us. It is for our controllers and our perpetrators that I write these words. For many survivors, in our souls, even in physical and mental programmed bondage, already know the truth. But the world needs to know. The soul is free and LOVE is lasting. Jesus was right, and he called us to love above all else. He didn’t call us to worship power, monetary gain, or the control of others. He called us to love. He taught us that there was no greater gift than to lay our life down for a friend, and, He wants His people free. Please help me to help these most beautiful souls, who have been locked in anguish and bondage, who, from birth have been locked away from their inherent loving nature, to find the light of day and be freed from the agenda of those who seek to benefit by robbing their talents and abilities.
And in the final curtain call is the Council actually the old, worn, frazzled Wizard of Oz hiding behind the curtain, frantic that he has been exposed and defrocked of his power? Those in search of Oz — Dorothy finding her home and family, the Cowardly Lion finding courage, and the Tin Man finding his brain — these were the ones who were strong in the end, not the one pulling the strings!
In truth I believe we are all one, and together we can find the answer, if we choose …Let that answer be guided by love.
“I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision.”
“To this end was I born, and for this cause I came to you, that I should witness to the Truth.”
“You shall know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.”
“For the Son of man has not come to destroy men’s lives, but to save them.”
“For I have come that they shall have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
“I am not alone, because the Father is with Me.”
“1 and the Father are one.”
“For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love be servants of one another. For the whole of the law if fu flied in one word, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”